Oh my my! My favorite month has just arrived, the merry month of May! Where we find that April showers do indeed bring May flowers.
In case you missed it, I did my spring video showing off my beautiful fuschias! Here it is.
There is always so much to see in the beginning of May. Not only the fuschias but of course my other favorite, the daffodils, both yellow by the way, such a joyful color.
Yes, the season begins! To me, the beginning of May marks the real beginning of Spring, a time when many of us want to break out in song, because we feel a little lighter as the cold weather becomes a thing of the past.
However, for those who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one, even the Spring flowers blooming, and green leaves returning, may go relatively unnoticed, or have little impact. When we lose someone, everything else can become secondary, as we grieve.
Although there is no formal manual for processing grief, I can offer a few tips. First of all, the process is totally individual, and thus varies from person to person.
If you’ve lost your mom recently, Mother’s Day – this year arriving late on Sunday, May 14th – may be particularly difficult. Even if your mom passed years ago, Mother’s Day may still be a sad day for you.
But keep in mind that grief will lessen over time, especially if you’ve had a visit from, or connection with, your deceased mom (or another deceased loved one who comes to mind on Mother’s Day). After making that connection, you might even be able to smile on Mother’s Day, especially if your loved one is near.
Pay attention! A visit from your mom on the Other Side may be more likely to occur on Mother’s Day than on a routine day of the year. If the connection occurs, it will make the loss so much easier to handle because you will very well realize that death is not the end. The spiritual self, our true essence, continues after physical death, as does our eternal Love for one another which keeps the connection intact.
Again, remember that everyone is different. If you feel you want to be alone on Mother’s Day to take a walk or a hike, read a book, or go to the movies – do so! In contrast, some folks like to play bingo! Whatever works! It’s all just fine. There are no hard and fast rules.
However, being flexible might help, just in case your sad mood suddenly changes for the better – perhaps because your mom was close to you even if the visit didn’t register consciously – so you can decide at the last minute that instead of being alone, you’d rather go out to dinner or do whatever with a friend, partner, or family member who just happens to be around.
Another suggestion I’d like to offer is this: On Mother’s Day, if the opportunity presents itself, give a toast (outwardly or inwardly) to your mom or other loved one who has passed, or light a candle (not necessarily in church). The same applies if it’s their birthday, or day of passing, or some other day or holiday that was/is still special to them.
You know more than anyone else about the Love you had, and still have, for the person who has passed. Sometimes that Love is manifested through focusing on special memories of the person, like when you laughed so hard together till you cried, or still cry when you look at their picture, taken perhaps during one of those trips you went on together and will never forget.
In short, trust yourself and honor your feelings with regard to the passing of your mother, mother figure, or anyone else. Allow yourself to be any way you want to be on Mother’s Day, and/or any other day. Be sad, be happy, be thoughtful or even angry. Walk your life without judgment if you can, and know that your departed loved ones are just a thought away, smiling at you and thanking you for all the good you did for them.
Looking forward to seeing all you New Jersey, Baltimore, Rochester, and Afterlife Conference folks in Portland soon!
